Dear Jack,
I feel so much guilt. If I had the chance to ask him about what happened I think he would say ‘Why didn't you help me sooner Mum?’ He was my world and there was nothing that I wouldn't have done for him.
Deep down inside your heart you know the truth. That you did your very best. This is his response for you:
“Dear Mum, I know you did your best Mum. I know that every decision you made for me was made because you love me. I can read your heart Mum and I know that there wasn't a moment on this earth that you didn't love me and want what was best for me. You can't help that you didn't know how this would turn out.
Mum, I miss you but I am so happy here. I run and play every day. I have no pain and I wish you would not have any more pain either. Mum, you know how you felt when you were helpless when I was struggling? Mum please. It's the same for me. It makes me so unhappy to see you struggle with circumstances that I have long forgotten. Please try to be happy and remember us when we were living a good life. I am still connected to you and I can only be as free as you are.
Dear Mum, please make the decision to be happy again. That's all that matters to me. It’s all that ever mattered to me.”
Love, Me
During our years of working in hospice we found that guilt is the #1 issue at least 80% of the time. When you finally accept that guilt is unnecessary, you will emerge from the depths of the darkness of grief. Guilt is a needless burden. Guilt doesn't even exist except in your own mind. The mind creates blame, shame, suffering, drama and death in the mind of the thinker. Meanwhile the heart only knows love and truth.
All you can really control is your response to what happens. You cannot control matters of life or death and because of this you are not accountable. You cannot control the unpredictable behavior of human beings or animals. You cannot be held liable for anything. You can’t help your feelings for they are what they are, but guilt, shame and blame make no sense when circumstances are beyond your control.
