Dear Jack,
I feel so angry with myself because he got so much worse so quickly, pushing me into a panic when I should have stayed calm for him. I feel I failed him and I feel robbed of being able to give him the final act of love in the way I had it planned. How do I live with this?
Please understand that human beings only have so much control in the events of their lives. You can’t plan on many things to go the way you’ve planned. This was out of your hands when all was said and done. Until you realize this, you will torment yourself with thoughts like you are now having. If you asked him what he thought about what happened, what would his answer be? Step out of yourself and ask, really. What would he say about you?
Love, Jack
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About this letter
This letter is part of Jack McAfghan: Letters From Rainbow Bridge. A reader writes that they are angry with themselves because their pet got much worse so quickly, pushing them into a panic when they felt they should have stayed calm. They feel they failed him and were robbed of the final act of love they had planned. They ask how to live with it.
What Jack says
Jack explains that human beings only have so much control over the events of their lives, and that this situation was out of the reader's hands. Until that is accepted, he says, a person will torment themselves with thoughts like these. He then asks the reader to step out of themselves and ask what their pet would say about them.
When things happen faster than you planned
When an illness speeds up, panic is a natural response. It does not mean you failed your pet. Many people grieve the goodbye they imagined and did not get. Naming that loss, talking about it with someone who understands and being kind to yourself can help the anger ease over time.
