Dear Jack,
My little girl has been gone for three months. We had taken her to the vet and they ran all kinds of tests. I was told “You need to think about putting her down.” That was his answer to her problem. The vet had no compassion. She was still so full of energy and my baby, the day after I took her to the vet for a second time, I found her dead in my hallway. When I called him, he said “I guess she made the decision for you.” I feel like I let her down. I loved and still do love her so much.
You did not let her down. You did what you could do. She did make the decision for you. Clearly, she did not want to be at the vet clinic in her final moments.
We wish they would stop saying, “put down” and instead “put to sleep” or better, “lift up!” Your girl, she was getting ready. It’s all in the way you look at it. You can look at it and feel guilt or you can look at it and know you blessed your best friend. She wanted to be at home and, believe it or not, she was in control of her destiny. She went on her own terms. All of us dream of this and not all of us get the chance. Please do not feel badly that she wanted to Go Home. Some day when you are older and wiser, you will find that you too are ready to Go Home when the time is right.
As for the vet, I can see where you were frustrated, however, your girl did not want to go through a bunch of tests and treatments. She was actually very glad that he was not more aggressive about it. She knew that her time was coming.
I did hospice work with Kate for many years and we learned that no matter how sick or even unconscious someone happens to be, they have a certain element of control in their final hours and moments, when they can pass naturally. Your girl did not want you to witness her passing, which is why she passed when you were not there. By the time you saw her, she must have been at peace and she gave you this as her final earthly gift.
Love, Jack
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