Dear Jack,
Next week will be 11 months without my boy. I am well aware of the week that preceded that, each day that led up to the day he died, each one looms before me now. I wonder how on earth I will deal with it. I know I have to and I know I will. And the day that preceded those days, which was the last innocent day before our lives would change.
You will get through it. The anniversaries of the heart are never forgotten. It's very hard to lose someone who means everything to you. Little by little you will find that you have other things to live for and to look forward to.
Maybe you can create a new kind of anniversary instead of one that recognizes the date of the loss. You might start saying, "He would be 12 years old now". Every year you will say this: 13, 14, 15, 16, 17...18....19… and it will not be long that you would not have wished him back, to suffer through old age and the worrying for both of you that goes along with it.
Love, Jack
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About this letter
This letter is part of Jack McAfghan: Letters From Rainbow Bridge. A reader writes that next week will mark eleven months without their boy, and that each day leading up to the day he died looms before them. Jack's reply is encouraging.
A new kind of anniversary
Jack suggests creating a new kind of anniversary instead of one that marks the date of the loss, such as saying how old he would be now. He reassures the reader that they will get through it and that little by little they will find other things to live for and look forward to.
Getting through hard dates
Anniversaries and milestone dates can bring strong feelings. Planning something gentle for the day, such as a walk, a candle or time with a friend, can make it easier. Be kind to yourself and allow the feelings to come.
