Dear Jack,
I just can’t stop thinking about my girl. It makes me very anxious and restless. I don’t know what to do with myself when these times hit me. I think of her, I think of my life without her, I grieve, I feel sick with it. I can’t sleep. How did Kate get over it? Do you have any suggestions for me?
Kate used to suffer restless tossing and turning, her eyes searching the darkness of her room, scanning her mind to try to find answers there. She now winds down by doing easy crossword puzzles in the wee hours of the night. Sometimes she colors in a coloring book someone gave her years ago. She writes more poetry. She never had time for such “foolish” things but now she is wisely choosing activities that put her mind into a state of calm when it is frenzied. She is quite capable of the difficult puzzles, but she does not want to stress her already burdened mind. Life, she feels, is difficult enough. She doesn’t realize it but she is actually trying to weaken grief’s grasp and, as she does, she will strengthen her heart.
Another thing she does that you can do is to close your eyes and with the inner eye focus on the area of the third eye, slightly above the middle of the forehead. Don’t forget to breathe. When you are anxious it is easy to forget. It will bring instant calm even when you have a busy mind. If that’s not effective enough, center yourself by putting the weight of your hands on your heart.
It has taken a long time for her to shut off the noise and chatter of the world around her. For a while she ran from the quiet. She was preoccupied with so many things – working to pay for her rent in a life that she was not really living. She felt herself a spiritual person, but she wasn’t taking much time to talk to God or meditate. We were always waiting there for her, in a place of peace and quiet.
One of the gifts I gave her was my books, our books, the ones God wanted her to write. She thinks her most important relationship right now is with me, but I am just the extension of our heavenly Master who created every one of us for each other.
Everything else fades in comparison. It’s supposed to. God is drawing her near as He brings me home to Him. He is giving her one more reason, one more lure to be in His space. He opens wide the door of her heart in the silent times and there I am; there He is too. Where I am He is.
The moment I crossed the bridge I flew straight into her heart. While she looks up into the clouds, across the horizon, I am not just there, I am everywhere. She sees through the eyes, through the filter of her heart and she cannot help but see me everywhere she goes when she is focused there instead of on the horizon of grief.
Her mind had wandered aimlessly, keeping her away from me. She wrote. She studied. She took hundreds of photos and filled up her phone and her mind. Like a little lost dog who wanders from one thing to another in search of safety, security and sustenance, the spirit wanders until it finally finds its way into the home of its very own heart. One step at a time, you’ll get there too. Your girl will help you find the way. Keep the faith.
Love, Jack
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