Dear Jack,
As time passes, I thought it would get easier but it’s getting harder. It’s very discouraging.
Sometimes you think you are getting worse, but you are actually getting better. If you were in an accident, your traumatized body would initially go into shock. Hours or days later you would feel the intensity of the pain of your injuries when the shock wears off. In much the same way, Denial, Anger and Bargaining keep you focused on something other than your pain. These stages of grief keep you "safely" in your head and out of your emotions. God designs it this way because you cannot handle all of your loss all at once. It’s always two steps up, one step back, not the other way around. Have faith as your emotions make themselves known.
Love, Jack
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About this letter
This letter is part of Jack McAfghan: Letters From Rainbow Bridge. A reader writes that they expected grief to get easier as time passed, but it is getting harder, and they find that discouraging. Jack's reply explains why that can happen.
What Jack says
Jack compares grief to being in an accident: the body first goes into shock, and the intensity of the pain is felt hours or days later when the shock wears off. In the same way, he says, denial, anger and bargaining keep you focused on something other than your pain and safely in your head and out of your emotions, because you cannot handle all of your loss at once. It is always two steps up and one step back, not the other way around, and he asks the reader to have faith as emotions make themselves known.
If grief feels worse over time
Many people find that the early weeks pass in a fog, and the heaviest feelings arrive later. This does not mean you are going backwards. It often means the numbness is lifting and you are starting to feel the full size of your loss. Be patient with yourself and reach out for support if you need it.
