Dear Jack,
Two months ago today my boy was taken. So many thoughts and so much anguish. I know it was already set in motion. I couldn't have done anything to stop it, but still doesn't keep me from thinking I might have jinxed things.
Last year we were fostering a dog from a rescue and I really wanted to keep her. I went back/forth telling myself we didn't need 3 dogs. Did end up adopting her, and now my boy is gone, so maybe I really wasn't supposed to have 3 dogs! I have used tanning beds in the past, but early this summer I read a story about a girl with cancer that was enough to make me stop tanning. Someone asked me about it and I said I didn't want to get cancer, so maybe OK not me, but then my dog gets it!?
I seem to be distancing myself from our other two dogs. On some level I suppose I resent them a little, that they are here and he is not. I know they are grieving for him too, so we all need to be in this together. I truly am usually a sensible person but all this is thinking from my heart and not my head.
This is actually not coming from your heart; this kind of confusion and rationale comes from your head. "I know it was already set in motion." you say. This is coming from your heart. "It doesn't keep me from thinking I might have jinxed things.” This, as you reveal by your words, is coming from your head.
When things come from your heart, they are always clear, loving, accepting of all present, past and future. Your heart is unconditionally supportive of YOU and any decisions you have made; actions you have taken. This is the spirit us pets live in every day of our existence. Everything is okay when you live from the love in your heart.
Please honor your remaining pets by letting go of the guilt and shame and making room for the love and compassion in your heart that you have for them. The love is there, but your feelings cloud your relationship with them right now. They may not be your soulmate pets, but they are yours and they love you and they need to know you still love them. We are very sensitive to the feelings of the ones we love and, like children, we need to be told what is going on and we need to know that you still love us...even though things are different now.
It is natural to think about all these things. You are only human. What if? How come? Maybe this and maybe that. The fact is, things happened the way they did and you cannot keep beating yourself up about what you might have done differently. You can only accept things as they are; you cannot turn back the clock. You cannot change the circumstances. You never could change them. They were set in destiny, in the fate of the Rainbow Time Schedule. Even things that might seem to be accidents were predestined. You need to love yourself as much as your pet loves you and forgive yourself for everything. You are not guilty of anything.
Love, Jack
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