Dear Jack,
I am not typically an angry person, but I’m feeling really uncomfortable because I’m mad at everyone and everything. My loss has knocked me for a loop and it doesn’t feel like it’s helping matters, on the contrary! Please help.
Anger is the second stage of grief, after Denial/Shock. Most people naturally suppress their anger. They suppress it until the anger festers and then one day they blow up because all the little angers gathered along the way come roaring out, usually out of context.
The anger of grief is evidence of your strength coming back. It’s fuel when you’ve had no energy, when you are exhausted by your grief. Anger feels better because you feel your power, even though sometimes the power of your anger can overwhelm you. The fact of the matter is that you are getting stronger. It takes energy to be angry and the fact that you are angry is evidence that you are making progress. The day will come when you will sense her there with you. The anger will naturally fade away as you process your grief.
Love, Jack
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About this letter
This letter is part of Jack McAfghan: Letters From Rainbow Bridge. A reader who is not typically an angry person writes that they are mad at everyone and everything since their loss, and asks for help. Jack's reply explains where anger fits in the grief process.
What Jack says about anger
Jack says that anger is the second stage of grief, after denial and shock, and that most people suppress it until it festers and comes out in the wrong place. He describes the anger of grief as evidence that strength is coming back, a fuel when you have had no energy, and a sign that you are making progress.
Handling anger in grief
Anger after a loss is common and does not make you a bad person. Physical activity, writing down what you feel, talking with a trusted friend or finding a safe place to express it can help. If your anger feels overwhelming or leads you to say or do things you regret, consider speaking to a counselor.
