Dear Jack,
It’s been two months. I know how you say grief is like a rollercoaster. I’ve had a horrible day, Jack, and I went backwards on the rollercoaster.
Rollercoasters can confuse you, but they do not go backwards. Sometimes it feels like you are sliding backwards when it's really that the shock and denial are wearing off. You feel your feelings more. Perhaps that's where you are right now. If you knew where Kate was at the two-month mark you would know how well you are doing!
It may feel like you are going one step up and two steps back but it’s really the other way around. You’re always making progress even if you don’t feel it at the time. Grief can be a strange thing. It's a battle between heart and mind and of mind over matter.
Try to keep focused on the strength of your heart instead of the grief that weakens your mind. You're going to be okay and someday you will look back and see how strong you were -- strong because your love is stronger than ever and love is the most powerful force in the universe. We are always there to support you all the way into healing and beyond.
Love, Jack
Getting through grief may feel like a no-win situation. The fact is, you are always making progress but sometimes you only see how you fall back into the grief just when you thought you were starting to feel better.
Right about the time you begin to feel better, you bring the damper of self-criticism down. Your joy is smothered by your perceived guilt and your self-blame. You do it to yourself. Guilt is an illusion, created by man to have a weapon of interpersonal control. It's the human condition. Guilt leads you to believe that someone else is ultimately responsible for your happiness or that you are responsible for someone else’s happiness. That is not true. Guilt is not real. Yet you treat it like it has power over you.
At Rainbow Bridge, all that matters is love. All that exists is love. Your pets, when we were there beside you on Earth, all we knew was love. Love is what we came here to teach you…not guilt and shame. Someone else taught you that.
When you find joy again or when something makes you smile, put your hands upon your heart and HOLD them there. Drink in the moment. The heart is where the ones you have loved still live and we will help you to be happy again. By keeping yourself happy, you keep us happy too. Keep the focus on the strength and power of your heart.
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