Dear Jack,
I feel very guilty because I never gave my girl the pills for pain. She didn’t want to take them and I didn’t want to fight her by making her take them. Can I forgive myself?
Kate had the opposite experience. I will share this with you because I think it will help you to alleviate your guilt. Every four hours she waited to give me my pain meds. I fought with her every time. She would cry as she pushed them down my throat.
It was awful because I didn’t want those pills! I was in pain, yes, but she didn’t know how awful those pills were for me! She kept trying to hide them in things – like cheese or yogurt or peanut butter. She thought I might not know they were in there, but I didn’t even want to eat my favorite things at that point…and I sure didn’t want to swallow those pills!
The last one she gave me was wrapped in a peanut butter cube. She thought she was clever but I knew exactly what she was up to for I was clever too. She had been watching the clock until 10 pm when she could give me the next dose. In my mouth it went. At 1 a.m. I sat up and looked her right in the eyes. I was very weak and going back and forth in consciousness. It was the first time I had sat up in many hours. She was riveted, her eyes on me. She was living in the moment with me. Humans always live in the moment when they feel the precious moments slipping away. I looked right at her. I never wanted her to forget me. I had her full attention. She was spellbound, looking back at me, looking deep into my eyes, the windows to my soul.
"What Jack? What is it? Do you need something?" she asked me. I surprised her by spitting the entire peanut butter pill cube out onto the floor between us. She knew then that I was serious about not wanting those pills! I lay my head back down and I crossed the Rainbow Bridge two hours later, clear thinking and unaffected by pills in my system.
I watched her after my spirit left my body; for I was worried for her. She lay there with her arms around me for several hours. She waited until all the heat had left my body. She lay there until her first tears ran dry.
She had a little bowl nearby where she had mixed the pills into yogurt. I watched her take the tip of her finger as she took a teeny tiny taste of the mixture, a taste the size of a pinhead. She recoiled. “Blech!” because, of course, it was the most disgusting thing she had ever tasted. I was glad to see her do that so she would know in the future if she were to be faced with this kind of decision again.
I will be letting this memory go as soon as I finish this message to you. Like all dogs, cats and other animals, we leave such memories far behind. We are not like humans who dwell on things long after the moment is gone. How is it that people can feel guilty about so many things? They deprive themselves of the sweet memories by becoming embittered with the guilt of a few painful moments. Bitter like the pill I refused to swallow.
After we pass, we only remember the good things. It’s the only way to be happy. In fact, when we come Home we are required to shed every memory that was not a happy one. We cannot carry baggage with us. We are supposed to travel light. The old baggage weighs us down and we must be rid of it all before we come here. When we watch the ones we love, we can only hope and pray that they will shed those memories too, for they only harm and weigh heavily and they block the love that connects us.
Love, Jack
There seems to be a lot of guilt over the issues of pain pills and end of life treatments. People feel guilty if they didn't give them. People feel guilty if they did. People just feel guilty, it seems to me, no matter what they’ve done or didn’t do. As long as guilt and shame and sadness are in the way, we cannot come together. We must be at the same level of peaceful vibration to be able to access one another. The vibration of total love.
Please do what you can to intercept the sad and negative thoughts and try to focus on the many beautiful memories that took place in our life together. If you can do this, when the time comes, you will be able to cross over the Rainbow easily too. Please try! In the meantime, I love you!
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