Dear Jack,
I’m struggling so much. I feel it has destroyed me to lose her. I feel to blame.
I’m sorry for your loss. Actually, it did not destroy you to lose her -- it destroyed the person you were to make room for the person you will come to be. You never do recover "You". You will never have another relationship exactly like this one so you begin again to create the beautiful new you that has been born from your love and your loss.
Life is always teaching you through change and loss. When you allow yourself to grow from it and don’t cling to who you used to be before you were transformed, you will know you have learned loss’s lesson. A big part of grief is the grieving over the loss of the innocence you had before you knew What Was to Come. One of the outcomes of successful grieving is that of learning to live a life in faith and grace.
Some never learn. Some follow a 12-step program. They agree that there is a power greater than themselves. They let their faith in that power go to work in their lives. Some people are Born Again. Most people are just doing the best they can. The fact is that you die little deaths throughout your life. Deaths to who you used to be. Your loves and your losses transform you. Disappointments. Unrealistic expectations. Changes. Each loss teaches you until you grow from it.
Some day when you have healed your heart, you’ll see! You can feel destroyed by guilt and shame and grief, but you are healed by LOVE. Once you center yourself and see things more clearly, you can finally begin to heal. Instead of looking at Who's to Blame, focus on the love and focus on the fact that you did the very best you could under the circumstances. Be like the phoenix and rise from the ashes of your grief into the glory of your grace.
Love, Jack
You will one day find that life is just a game. You are the game piece and you are the player. Maybe you live from the heart of love or maybe you are your own worst enemy. Or likely something in between. You must relearn what you've been taught by mortals who don’t understand how life works. Oh if you only knew this ahead of time the way we do, you could just have fun playing the game! Just use your heart and not your head and you will win at almost everything you do in the game of life and love.
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