Dear Jack,
My girl died 5 weeks ago. Came out of the blue. Had her at the vet on Monday. Next day she was dead. We had our previous dog also at the vet on a Monday. Next day she died. Again not expected. It was traumatic. I feel at times when the grief and pain overwhelm me that it may affect my health.
You are right. When you are not at peace with something, disease ("dis-ease") can take its toll. It can truly make you sick. The prevention is in the moving forward, learning how to keep caring for yourself and to not keep dwelling on the negative details that keep you locked in the past. Those images, so vivid when you live in the moment as they are happening, can create a form of post-traumatic stress.
Most people suffer from post-traumatic stress to one extent or another during grief. It's important to keep the details in perspective because there were many, many more positive memories to focus on in your lives together. Your girls no longer suffer. If they suffer, it is only in your mind and with practice you can learn to control this. A painful memory is like an unwanted visitor barging into your living room. Tell it to go away! In time it will simply knock on your door and you won't answer it and one day it will simply go away altogether. Start telling it to leave and replace it with a memory that makes you feel better. Your girls will appreciate it too.
Love, Jack
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